support / Mommy Forever
We started our support groups again. How daddy and I love to talk about you. I feel so much like i am not alone when we go there. Not alone because of the others who also lost thier children, and because i feel you with me. We feel like CHOP is another home. It is comfortable, and actually dare i say "fun" to  be there. We loved being with you each day we were there. We loved having you. We loved being with you and spending special time at your "home" there at CHOP.
I feel sick to my stomach when i go there each week. Knowing that i am not going to the 6th floor in the CICU to visit you. We are going to morn you. And get some support from others who also lost thier children. It makes me so sad. 
I had a bad day today. Got mad at some Jehovah's Witnesses -- because they tried to tell me "who God is," and why i need to know him. I simply said " I know God, he has my son" then i shut the door. I didnt need someone to tell me who God was, and where you were. Or how much i should love my family. 
Just one more day with out you, one more rainy stinky day. We miss you so much. Love you tons! Close

Sneak attacks  / Mommy
Damn it! I hate those days when you sneak up on me and attack me when i am not prepared. I have the days when i need to cry, and am ready for it. I really hate those times when you sneak attack me...and your dad too! I hate when he does. There is not a minuite in the day, that passes where i dont think of you, but if i happen to not be ready for it, and it whams me in the back of the head, its the worst! Looking for new medical insurance, and coming up on those "dates" are always hard. Missing you so much these days......imagine you with Owen and Ceira...it hurts too much! Close

Didnt leave you out  / Mom
I didnt leave you out of my thoughts today. I got your brother and sisters pics taken today. I wanted to have you in there, but i knew it wasnt possible. They took a close up of them, and i will wait to put you in the family pic done. We will do that soon. You will be there. The pics turned out cute, but something sure was missing. I have one in our living room of the 3 of you, that i will treasure for the rest of my life. We love you, and will never forget you. 

Odd thing is...today 2 years ago was the day you came home. This is also the day i had your pics done - the only pics that were done that were professional.  I did not realize that until i was over and done with that today. It kinda hit home a little....here we are 2 years later, never knowing what our life would be taking us threw...what a journey........ Close

My love goes deeper.....  / Mommy
I love when i meet new people, and the first question, is how old are your kids, and how many do you have, how far apart are they, then when the do the math, they realize, one is missing! 

Its so awful. I hate those questions. I hate more the look on people face when they realize what i went threw, then they feel bad for me. I dont want that. I more want them to know how strong you were, how much you fought in your little life. How much we fought for you, how much we loved you, and how much they should value thier lives and relationships.

I dont like when they feel bad for me. I like when i get them to hug thier kids more, and kiss them one last time. I like when they let thier kids sleep in the middle because they love them, and realize it wont be forever. I wish everyone thought of you like that.

At a party today, i felt like i had to explain to everyone what happened to you. The short story. Everyone said how sad it was, and they are so sorry. I wish thier words really meant it.

My heart aches for one last hug, and one last smell of you. I am afraid to loose that. I read that the memories fade, and you get less involved in it, as time goes on. But i am not ready to loose that yet. But...i am still afraid to take out the clothes from the bags i have SEALED to preserve your smell. Sometimes i get a wiff, and think you are with me. It comes from no where.

I miss you more than i can ever say on this site. I feel like i am with you when i can talk to you. I hope everyone else realizes how lucky they are....to have all thier children. Healthy and happy. No matter what they ever went threw.  What counts is they have them now, not 6 ft under in the rain and snow. It kills me my baby is still in the cold...when i am warm. I will never stop loving you. And i hope i never fade those memories of you. I wont let myself. Ever.... Close

SUNFLOWERS BLOOMED  / Mommy
THE SUNFLOWERS THAT I PLANTED FOR YOU THIS YEAR IN MY GARDEN. FINALLY BLOOMED TODAY. It made my day much sweeter knowing i can see you out there.  We love and miss you very much. I will always look at sunflowers as your things...you are  always my sunshine.  I love you! Close

Your biggest fan  / Mommy

You know that i am sitting here all day today, thinking of you. I am your biggest fan. You were so strong. 2 years ago today, you went threw something that only the strong survive....Open heart surgery at 3 weeks old. It was amazing that you could handle it, and come out smiling. The biggest blue eyes stared night and day at me when you woke up. You were so strong. It was like you wanted to see what you missed every second of each day, while you were sleeping. 

YOu came out a stronger boy, and i came out a stronger mom. I learned to love my family, no matter how they treat you, or what the do to you. I am finding this out the hard way sometimes lately. Your daddy and I are having some problems with Family, and we know better than to let them get the best of us. I know some people didnt learn as much from you, as we did. But you taught us to be better people, and see threw the bad.  In all situations. We will also try, for your sake. 
We will always love you, and remember the things you taught us. We will forever miss you. You are our hearts, forever. Love you always...Mommy and Daddy.

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