"Broken" / Mommy
The broken clock is a comfort it helps me sleep tonight
Meibe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on I'm holdin' on I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on I'm holdin' on I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now haven't forgotten my way home Close

5th Birthday  / Mommy
This year means so much to us. 5 is just one of those special birthdays.. when you start school, and ya know, its half way to ten!

I wonder what you would have been like, and where we would have been if you made it threw that surgery that day. I have been loosing it lately, a lot. I find myself missing you more now, than i did in those first days, even years.

Everyone says "time heals" but i don't think that is true. Who ever said that, was trying to hide. We have become very good at that ( your dad and i) I can smile and play on the outside, but i am crying on the inside a lot.

Since your last birthday, we moved in our new house, all thanks to you of course, met some great friends, and have a special life going on here, but it seems so empty some days, and i know why. Its because you are missing. 

I can't believe that you are 5 today. I miss you so much, and feel like it was yesterday when i had you. I will never forget how brave you were, and how much we love you. You can never be replaced, or forgotten!

XOXO happy birthday baby boy :)
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our trip  / Mommy (mom forever )

We are leaving on Friday for our trip to Disney with the whole Sanders gang. I am trying to be strong, and supportive, and not loose it. I cant help but remember what i am missing in Disney. The happiest place on earth, will be without an important part of my family. My son.
You gave us so much. You gave us a beatuiful house this year, and i  know you were behind the very special people you put us in the middle of, our new friends. I know you are always here with us, and i have been having a hard time feeling you lately....

Me and your sister went to visit you today. She loves to visit her 'baby con-in" Shes getting so big, and so cute. I love to have her go with me to the cemetary. It made me so happy when i told Dad we went to the cemetary, and Owen got mad i didnt take him. We have to go visit tomorrow, and for sure, he will appreciate it.

Fall was always that time of the year, where i miss you. Its the time when the leaves all start to die, and the world looks so bare. Not only did you die in October, but our lives stopped in October-much like the weather. My heart has felt so bare, and dormant since you died. It still is feeling so unreal. I guess its a natural protection. I look at pics of Owen, and Ceira, since you died, and i have a hard time remembering that time....between Oct 2004 and about April 2007.

Its always hard to put on a brave face, i will have to try extra hard this year. This will also be the first anniversary, that we have missed visiting you at the Cemetary. I know you will be in the fireworks, when we see you in Disney.  I will be sure to leave you a kiss on your memorial at Epcot also. We love you, and i will be seeing you soon.

Your mom forever.........

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Your 4th bday  / Mommy
So, we are packing up the house, making room for the big move! Its coming in 18 days and yes--counting! We were supposed to make settlement tomorrow-- but as anticipated-- its going to be too hard of a day.

Colin turns 4 tomorrow. My angel is celebrating in heaven. So much has changed in these 4 years, and so much has come of our life.

Colin allowed for us to have this new house. He died-- but not in vain. He gave us enough to afford a beautiful new house, in the suburbs, with everything we want-- everything but one thing-- Colin.

I am packing up this house, and i feel like i am packing up all the hatred, and the anger, and the madness associated with his death- but now the pain is left. I also am packing up a ton of memories in this house-- leftover pain meds that i just never got rid of, we shoved them in the back cabinet, hoping to forget about them-- the little swabby wipes for Colins sticky stuff to hold his feeding tube in- not to mention, tons of syringes, little clothes, and more, that have been shoved in the deep dark corners of my house-- much like most of the feelings associated with that...

Owen and Ceira also leave alot of memories in this house. I am sad for leaving them behind also- especially when you spend so much time in a house-- you tend to miss them when you move. I remember watching Owen climb up the steps for the first time here-bringing home Ceira and the corner she slept in, in my room. The stain in the carpet from when Owen had to be a big boy-- and spilled RED fruit punch on the carpet-- just the little things-- that make you think so much about your life. There was always the things there, that reminded me of Colin, but when you have to pack up that part of your life, and move forward, its a much different feeling. A very sad feeling.

We move on. The walls are bare tonight- the rooms have lots of boxes in them. Much like my heart. The walls are exposed-- and soiled, and dirty....

I am looking forward to our new journey in our new house. I know Colin will be there with us, but its just so hard. Hard to leave him when he was here....much like it was hard to leave the hospital that night-- when he died, and not go back. Each time i go to the hospital, that feeling of "hard to leave, because he was here"....is there. I am sure i will feel that way about this house-- forever.

Well--its way past my bed time-- since i have been battling this insomnia that sets in...usually on occasion. I need to try to get some sleep-- its less than 45 min before Colins bday-- so ...

Colin,

Happy birthday my sweet angel. Know that mommy misses you so much, and your familiy will never forget you. I sure hope there is a Heaven- because i can't wait to hug you and hold you once again.

Happy birthday.-

Love, mom

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Thinking of you  / Suzanne Thompson (None (guest) )
Just wanted to send your family love,hugs and prayers. I dont know what its like to lose a child,but its my worst nightmare. Because of this,i realize the pain you must be going through.
From our family here in Australia to yours wherever you are please know im praying for you,thinking of you all,and sending love and hugs to you in the memory of your special little man.
I watched your video,and it made me cry so much,im sorry you had to go through this. I would give anything for you to have him back again.

Love to you all

Suzanne and Family. :) Close

melanie.seese@grupom-cb.com / Melanie Seese
I just saw your video of your little angel colin and I was crying and crying becauese it reminded me so much about my sons time in the hospital - he died after 6 weeks on being on the ventilator since he was born premature (27 weeks) Our thoughts are with you. You really had a beautiful little son. Melli Close